Messing with Sasquatch
by KristineMcCarty
Summary: Revised! Oneshot: "But no, Edward said not to. He said they wanted to be left alone. But he HAD to know."


He had to know. He just had to.

Did it really matter that when Edward and Bella had left the main house to depart for their cottage (which was still in tact, mind you. What kind of self respecting married couple were they really? He couldn't begin to count the number of houses he and Rose smashed in their first year alone), Edward had specifically given **him** that _look_ and said: "And we'd like to be left alone tonight, if you wouldn't mind" ?

How rude of Edward. What had he done to provoke being singled out like that? Could he really help it that Rose seemed to be more interested in staring at herself in the mirror lately? While she was busy admiring her reflection, he was left to entertain himself. It wasn't like it was fucking fun to sit there and look at Rose look at her damn self. Especially since no matter HOW many compliments he threw at her, she just wasn't putting out.

All he wanted was some company.

And maybe some sex.

But he'd take company too.

When Edward left and dropped that ominous request, Emmett had full intentions of heeding it. He really did. He had sat down in front of the TV and turned on a replay of an earlier game and everything. He even refused to think about how funny Bella was without trying to be. Because after all, even if she didn't trip over her own two feet anymore, she was still a fucking riot in a way only young vampires could be.

But then he thought of it. THE question to end all questions.

He just had to know the answer to it. HAD to.

He tried to push it away at first. He went looking for Jasper, thinking they could play a quick round of Metal of Honor or Max Payne, or hell - even Guitar Hero, but he couldn't find the guy anywhere. And it never failed, when you tried to not think of something, it made you think of it that much more.

How mad would Edward really be if he just ran over to the cottage really quick and asked them the question. He'd leave right after. Surely he wouldn't get too mad. After all, it wasn't like they were actually doing anything over there. He was still convinced they discussed the National Debt every night when they left to take Renesmee home.

But no, Edward said not to. He said they wanted to be left alone.

But he HAD to know.

He slipped out the back door and quietly took off into the woods in the direction of Edward and Bella's house.

_If I hear anything going on, I'll turn around and ask them tomorrow. Maybe Rose will know the answer. But Rose hates when I bug her while she's staring at herself. I won't bug them if they're in the middle of anything important._

He stopped at the edge of the clearing where their cottage lay. Straining his ears very little, he listened to the sounds coming from the house. Breathing, 3 pairs of it. A rapid heartbeat - Renesmee's, and.. He wrinkled his nose, dog stank. That was it. He didn't hear anything else.

Surely they were just sitting around, playing scrabble or something then. Maybe Edward was reading another book.

He crept towards the door.

Should he knock? He hated knocking. It was a waste of time. Besides, this was his brother for shit's sake and Bella was like his little sister long before she actually became his sister. No, he wouldn't knock. Besides, he'd just open the door, pop his head in, ask his question, and that'd be that. He'd go back to the house and try to convince Rose to stop looking at herself and keep him company.. or let him get some.

He turned the knob quickly and threw open the door..Only to be met with the site of Edward's bare ass from the floor.

"EMMETT!" Bella shrieked from somewhere underneath Edward's naked ass. "WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!"

"I..uh..Well, you see.." He started. Was he staring at Edward's ass? Quick.. Shift your eyes. NOT THERE! That's Bella's tits!

"EMMETT! What do you think you're doing!? Didn't I specifically tell you that we wanted to be left alone?! LEAVE!" Edward's voice boomed.

This was it. He better ask quickly before a naked Edward got up and he was forced to see a whole hell of a lot more than he EVER wanted to see of his brother..

"I..uh.. just wanted to know.. uh.. WHAT JACOB'S MIDDLE NAME WAS!" Emmett stuttered as he tucked tail and ran back out the door before even getting the answer to that burning question.

**BACK AT THE HOUSE-**

Jasper heard him before he saw him.

Emmett was running like he stole something back towards house coming from the direction of Edward and Bella's cottage, embarrassment radiating off of him in waves. He flew past where Jasper stood on the front porch without so much as a "hello", thank you very much, bounded up the front porch and tore into the house. Jasper was able to clearly hear him run straight up the stairs leading to the second floor and presumably into his and Rosalie's room without ever breaking stride.

Jasper broke out in a roar of laughter he wasn't able to contain. Had they been able, tears would have been pouring down his face.

Alice came out of the house just as he was finally calming down. She took one look at him and threw up her tiny arms.

"Jasper Hale! What did you do this time?"

That just set Jasper off again. He knelt over, hands on his knees, the force of his laughter doubling him over til he felt short of breath, no easy feat for the vampire. Feeling the irritation coming from Alice, he forced himself to straighten up, and look her in the eyes, chuckling almost uncontrollably.

"Jasper! Did you make Emmett feel curious again?! I bet you're the reason why Rosalie can't pull herself away from that mirror upstairs! What have I told you about that! Poor Edward and Bella! That is the FOURTH TIME this week! Next time you get bored.. COME FIND ME!"


End file.
